I will never forget when I got home from the hospital after delivering my daughter. I took a shower, slowly walked out, looked up and saw myself in the mirror. I had done this for months prior, recognizing the changes in my body as it miraculously grew a human. I was amazed, fascinated, appreciative and excited about it. 

But now it was different. I looked at myself and saw a shell. I saw the remains after our miracle was born. I was no longer looking at the bump that I was excited to see grow. I was now looking at my swollen face and limbs, heavy bags under my eyes, stretched skin and the bump that was still there. I stood there in pain and I did not recognize myself. I was exhausted from trying to figure out how to feed the human that I grew and pushed out of my body, with my body.  

Read that sentence again. That is badass. It is truly incredible; I do not have the capacity to understand. It is likely the most physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting thing that most women will do in their lifetime.  

Yet somehow as I stood there, I had no idea that this is how I would feel postpartum.  

It is because we don’t talk about it. But why not? After much thought, I came up with two reasons.  

The first is because we feel guilt. We feel guilty for thinking of ourselves, which we have learned to no longer do. But mostly, for me, I felt guilty for feeling anything but happy to be a mom and with a healthy baby. One of the greatest things that I learned from my first child to my second: Acknowledging your postpartum challenges does not take away from how happy and thankful you are to be a Mom or how much you love your baby. These are NOT mutually exclusive. READ THAT AGAIN, and do not forget it.  

The second is because we feel that we will not meet the unrealistic expectations that we set in our minds. We see women that physically recover quickly, some that can breastfeed with little support, some with quick deliveries, whatever the case… we compare ourselves to the one off for everything. We set a high expectation. And that becomes the norm to us. We hide the reality from others until we are Instagram ready. I was guilty of this and to my fellow Moms, I am sorry. 

I also learned that vulnerability with yourself and others gives you strength. It gives others strength too. 

I had looked into that mirror the same way Buzz Lightyear looked at the TV screen when he found out that he really was “just a toy” … Clearly my daughter is now two and a half and we are currently watching Toy Story on repeat… Buzz eventually broke his arm off and stopped trying to be a Space Ranger until Woody came and pumped him back up. He helped him to understand that he is a toy and capable of great things. Buzz then saved them both, even with a rocket strapped on his back.  

We need people to pump us back up so we are saving the day, not breaking our arms off. That would not be very efficient. And it is not easy to ask for. So I ask that you check in with your mom friends.  

Congratulate them, and then ask them how they are recovering. Let them know that it is okay to acknowledge how they feel and that it is normal. Tell them your story. Be vulnerable, allow them to be vulnerable and then support each other.  

My son’s labor was similar to my daughters… very difficult. Instead of posting a photo of my perfectly swaddled baby to announce his birth or a strategically cropped photo of myself, I shared the photos of when we met him during our emergency c-section. My makeup cried off my tired eyes from the tears when I scared to lose him during labor.  

My vulnerability opened the opportunity for real conversations which was healing for me and for others in their own journeys. I went home, took a shower, looked in the mirror and smiled. There I was, a shell from now two children with a new scar, and a woman ready to take care of herself so she could be the best caregiver she could be.  

And today, I share with you the picture that I now regret not sharing the first time around, when I became a Mom.  

Congratulations Mama. You did an incredible job. I see you. I am with you. And if no one told you today, you are beautiful.